I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am naked and annoyed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
