for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
