Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
