I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
