Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize