Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
