She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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