That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize