I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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