She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
