Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just pee around me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
