when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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