a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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