I have demons in me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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