tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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