No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
