You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
