Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
