You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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