i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
