Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's even glitter on my cock...
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