Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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