How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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