census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
