Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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