Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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