They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
