Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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