And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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