She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize