tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
