New invention idea: vibrating tampons
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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