I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
