i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
