I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
