OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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