hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
