paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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