giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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