Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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