just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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