wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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