Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
