He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
