just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
