So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry about my life...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
