theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
smell my finger.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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