I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
