Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
