I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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