Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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