This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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