Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
