I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
