The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
