it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
