Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
try to milk me bitch
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