dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
