the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
