from now on my penis is your penis
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize