the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
