coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And then he peed in my hair
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
