I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
