those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
