My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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