Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
