OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
