I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
