so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
