D3 body, D1 cock
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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