We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had sex on a roof
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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